I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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