Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
