Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
