the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
