there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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