She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
