I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
