You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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