I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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