I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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