You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
