Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
