Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
