So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
