3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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