i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
