i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
