"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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