Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
