I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
