Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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