Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize