Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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