had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
