how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
