I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize