The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
