Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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