He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
