i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
