Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
