So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
