i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
