Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
