We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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