but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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