i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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