I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
