you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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