my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just pee around me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
