you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
