What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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