My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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