I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
