He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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