Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
wow bdsm is so cute
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