I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Too much gin, very little bucket
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
