what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
