Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
