Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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