I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just puked most of my soul out..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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