My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I believe in your delicious
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
