my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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