There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize