"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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