I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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