Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
