I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His nipple licking is glorious
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