So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
