Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the day after is always just damage control
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
