the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
