i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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