It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
