you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
