allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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