After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Im part way to drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
