I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
